Our guest contributor, Dahlia B., ventures to be as honest as she can with her experiences on love, life and relationships. All names have been changed to protect their identity.
Jenny*, is a friend of mine that I befriended early last year. According to her, she has been dating for about the last ten years and has yet to find Mr. Right. Obviously, it means that she has probably met numerous prospects that displayed one or two of the qualities that she has in mind. While she agrees a good time was had by all, it never ended well.
Call it nit-picking, home improvement or what have you, she tried to help each one along to her vision of what her man should be like, much to its inevitable destruction. She was never happy with the lack of an entire package and couldn’t accept it.
Jenny’s qualities were what I called materialistic, but she called them practical. It was obvious both of us had very different ideas of ‘practical’ when applied to relationships. Surely though, being practical would mean that she would have to deal with the fact that you can never have or dare to expect everything from your potential life partner – that’s why we have other relationships in our lives; perhaps just not my trouble-making ones.
While songs espouse that two become one, and that love stories make us believe that our other halves are a perfect match, the cynic in me believes that can never or rarely does ever happen.
Jenny is adamant though to not settle for anything else, even if desperation overwhelms her as the thought of turning 30 in less than a year looms over her head.
He still needs to be tall, honest, drive a car and match her social status and family background. He also needs to be ambitious but not domineering, have the ability to give into her once in a while and pick up his socks while he’s at it.
It’s a pretty tall order but she believes she’ll find him eventually while weeding out her prince amongst a whole barrel of frogs.
While I think she’s utterly batty for thinking she can expect everything from one guy, I find myself defending her every now and then to others.
She’s admirable for not settling into a relationship she knows she won’t be happy in – that could explain escalating divorce rates: people settling into something and realising that it just wasn’t worth it.
Single women above a certain age would say that’s stupid, but I’m guessing that comes with years of dating around and finally realising that it’s now or spinsterhood for life. That’ll make sure you’re able to swallow more than fight back.
At the end of the day it’s a mixed sense of admiration, futility, happiness and sometimes pure aggravation that I feel for Jenny as she shares with me her various dates towards finding The One.
I’m just happy where I am now, even if my relationship with James isn’t by the book. It works for us – and I’m practical enough to know it’s for now.