Inspiring Conversations

Being Honest: Rabbit Hole


  • SumoMe

Dahlia B., our newest guest contributor, ventures to be as honest as she can with her experiences on love, life and relationships. All names have been changed to protect their identity.

I clearly remember a date I once had with my partner James, where it was just the perfect setting: candlelight and dinner, having a good whiskey whilst overlooking the cityscape and a night of pure indulgence that ended with us making love. It was perfect.

But then weeks later, I happened to be introduced to someone. It was a friend’s birthday and held at a real swanky hotel. He was just a little bit younger than I was, but it didn’t matter. There was chemistry. There was a spark and it was exciting. I hadn’t felt like that in a long time.

We watched each other from across the room, he helped me serve the cake that I had bought, and we pretended not to acknowledge what was going on. It was fun.

Not once did I think of my partner, as cruel as that may seem. I didn’t. All I could think about was of this boy next to me with the lopsided smile and the softest hands, as he subtly skimmed it across my back.

We played it cool, though the birthday boy noticed because he knew me, oh so well.

By the end of the night, most people had left, and those that were left behind were already three sheets to the wind. As I was clearing up the wrapping paper, he stood behind me and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up on end. All he did was press a card into my hand and whispered a number.

I stayed at the party till it ended. I looked at my phone and not once did James call me. It was a Friday night, so he was probably off somewhere drinking. I willed it to ring.  It didn’t and I didn’t call him either.

So I went up.

I hardly noticed the room and headed for the balcony because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. So I stood there, enjoying the night breeze, wondering if I should just walk out, but as providence should have it: he came over then and kissed my neck and that is when they say ladies and gents, was the beginning of the end.

I had never felt more electric, that first kiss had rocked me to my core. I literally couldn’t stand up because my knees were shaking. I think I only had felt that once in my entire relationship with James and we were doing a little bit more than kissing I can assure you. This was a feeling that went all the way to the tips of my toes from JUST kissing. It was amazing.

And the thought of James never came up once. It was heady and hazy and we just decided to fall down the rabbit hole.

We never saw each other again after that night. Though we have randomly chatted and messaged each other, that’s as far as it has gone.

I saw my partner the next day later in the evening and I asked him if he had fun. He said yes.

He asked me if I had fun as well. I said yes and we left it at that.

Later on, we ended the night with a few kisses and an ‘I love you’ and I meant it and so did he and it was perfect too.

Even if it didn’t feel electric.

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