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15 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle of Insanity


  • SumoMe

Insanity’s a creep. Insanity’s a weirdo. What the hell is it doing here? (Thanks, Radiohead.)

You step out into life and when it spins out of control, insanity steps in, pushes you aside and spins it even more deliriously. So what do you do? Nothing. Resistance is futile. Let insanity have its fun. Allow it to bestow you with a slightly deranged mind. Insanity hasn’t conned us, with 15 ways it has convinced us to maintain a healthy lifestyle of c-c-crazy.

1. Give a sinister smirk at everything everyone says.

2. Remind your family (preferably the kids) that a homicidal clown has been taking residency in their wardrobe. It’s something they should know.

3. Don’t walk. Skip as often as possible.

4. When someone asks you for a favor, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Ignorethespacebar.

6. Dont forget to write without punctuation

7. Skip 8.

8. Jump over 7.

9. Don’t say you’re sleepy. Say you’d like to lay on the bed in a certain degree of consciousness.

10. Get your colleagues to address you by your fantasy name, Sh’daror Oeooeea. When they do so at your desk, have them strike the table gong first.

11. Order diet water with a straight face.

12. Wind down the window of the car you’re in yell, “HELP ME!!” when your friend drives by crowded areas.

13. Sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, eat a sandwich slowly and point a blow-dryer at passing cars.

14. Whisper over the phone.

15. Look intently and nod knowingly at the person talking to you and when they’re done, walk away.

At the end of the day, these tips will allow the people around you to be irritable, but not murderous enough to want to skin you alive or call the men in white laboratory coats to take you away. Live crazy and prosper.

Image source: We Heart It

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