Any more couples going overboard with their declarations of love online and Penny C is about to convulse in the corner.
That’s what they call it – a love overdose. Who needs the display of affection manifested in private love letters, or the bashful hints inter-weaved into quick glances? Oh no, none of that medieval clandestineness can compare to the modern proclamation of love through over-sharing on social media sites. Whenever my eyes involuntarily graze the sweetened words of one half of a unit, I feel like I’ve accidentally stepped into the room and I’ve no where to hide. You’re not even giving me time to cover my eyes! No no nooo, now the imagery’s all happening in my head. GAAAAKK!!
Hasn’t anyone heard of a verbal filter?
At first it all seems so happy and harmless, these actions of love. But they soon evolve into irrelevant updates and finally they explode into saccharine overkill. Right, I understand the need for couples wanting to express their celebratory joy online. But constantly doing it implies that you have, somewhere up there, meshed into the complexity of your infatuated brain, is a train of thought badly in need of derailing.
The three main aspects which I imagine, can turn my blue skies the shade of melted acid rainbows are:
- Timeline messages indicating what time you’ll be home to accompany your sweetheart.
(Unnecessary yet we’re so very intrigued to know where you are right now. Stop putting me on stalker mode, you tease.)
- Liking one another’s statuses & check-ins
(We know you’re already into him/her. Liking these things only makes it look obsessive.)
- Mushy. So very mushy comments
(Hello, get a chat room.)
These lovey-dovey feelings can easily overshadow the social consequences of them having their exchanges appear on everyone’s news feed. Take the next instance for example. I’m virtually passing by and I find myself hanging around the outskirts of your detailed “conversations” about how well your candlelight dinner date went. Not forgetting the passionate moment when your stubble was almost set ablaze as you both leaned a little too close together…apparently with eyes shut, from what I read. It’s like reality TV but with really bad editing.
I know what you’re thinking; I could always concede to hiding these feeds of devotion. But that will happen when I’ve lost the proper ability to withstand all forms of emotion. Until then, I’ll be at my desk, at the computer. Dealing the best I can with the convulsions of an overdose of secondary sentimentality.