“But Santa, I can explain!”
That could be the cry of some on Christmas morning if Santa didn’t come to town or worse, filled their stockings with rocks and coal. But the only reason ol’ Saint Nick would do such a thing would be because we didn’t watch out and we pouted and cried the whole night. So I reckon these are the 4 things not to do at Christmas in order for Santa to know that we’ve been nice and haven’t lost our minds.
1. Don’t say you’ve met the ghosts of Christmas timeline
Here’s what you do. If you ever see the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, you better run. If you must stay, look firmly in their direction as you flail your arms wildly and scream like you’ve gone bat shit insane. In a scenario where they remain unreceptive, run. RUN! However, if you do successfully gain a mirrored reaction, you have nothing to worry about. It’s probably just Casper.
2. Do not paint the town red
Stay in. Be away from the noise. Cuddle. Put on your pyjamas this Christmas and have a blissful time indoors with a hot cup of chocolate. While in some parts of the world Christmas is a wintry cool and it paints a lovely shade of white, it’s humid and crowded here where we are. And if crowded had a colour, it’d be the shade of the colour spectrum dizzy on Christmas cocktail drinks. So do something different. Enjoy your company indoors. Don’t paint the town red just because your mistletoe turned blue.
3. Do not wish for flamethrowers
Under any circumstances, do not attempt to ask for a flamethrower. You will fail in doing so. Unless you’re in the agricultural sector or in dire need to eliminate zombies, a flamethrower would not be an ideal item on your Christmas wish list. Firstly, flamethrowers are costly. Secondly, most of them are in a hideous shade of green and thirdly, let’s be realistic. Look at the odds; asking for a box of matches would be easier. If you’re feeling courageous, I say you ask for a proton pack instead.
4. Do not rant about stuff you shouldn’t do at Christmas
Because really, who hasn’t already done these things? People are still going to run into the Christmas ghosts, vivaciously paint the bloody town red and get their generous aunts to buy them flamethrowers. It’s Christmas 2011 and with all their smarty-pants phones and trendy airs, people can do anything they want right? Oh well, oi to the world and everybody wins.
Image from We Heart It