LoveBytes: Picky or Not Settling?
If anything ties us together, it’s love. All of us have experienced one form of it or another, but what drives us crazy and unto our respective planets of Mars and Venus is definitely not the platonic kind. We take a look at issues that get to us. Are we being particularly picky or are we being smart and not settling for less than we deserve?
Jenny*, is a friend of mine that I got to know early last year. According to her, she has been dating for about the last ten years and has yet to find Mr. Right. Obviously, it means that she has probably met numerous prospects that displayed one or two of the qualities that she has in mind. While she agrees a good time was had by all, it never ended well. Call it nit-picking, home improvement or what have you, she tried to help each one along somehow or another, much to its inevitable destruction as she was never happy with the lack of an entire package.
Jenny’s qualites were what I called materialistic, but she called them practical. Surely though that being practical would mean that she would have to deal with the fact that you can never have or dare to expect everything from your potential life partner – that’s why we have other relationships in our lives. While songs espouse that two become one, and that love stories make us believe that our other halves are a perfect match, the cynic in me believes that can never or rarely does ever happen.
Jenny is adamant though to not settle for anything else, even if desperation overwhelms her as the thought of turning 30 in less than 2 years looms over her head.
He still needs to be tall, honest, drive a car, match her social status and family background, be ambitious but not domineering, be able to give into her once in a while, like art and gives her all his attention. It’s a pretty tall order but she believes she’ll find him eventually while weeding out her prince amongst a whole barrel of frogs.
While I think she’s utterly batty for thinking she can expect everything from one guy, I find myself defending her every now and then to others.
She’s admirable for not settling into a relationship she knows she won’t be happy in – that could explain escalating divorce rates: people settling into something and realising that it just wasn’t worth it. Single women above a certain age would say that’s stupid, but I’m guessing that comes with years of dating around and finally realising that it’s now or spinsterhood for life. That’ll make sure you’re able to swallow more than fight back.
At the end of the day it’s a mixed sense of admiration, futility, happiness and sometimes pure aggravation that I feel for Jenny as she shares with me her various dates towards finding The One. For myself? Well I’m happy with whom I have in my life even if he isn’t the perfect combo. I don’t believe I’m settling for anything less than I deserve, but I’m picking my battles and I’m accepting my prince, warts and all.
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