Inspiring Conversations

21 Messages to Save The World


  • SumoMe

A message brought to you by Penny C

BeepWeren’t we all eager beavers when we had the to chance to record greetings on our home answering machines? Everyone wanted to be the voice that instructed callers to identify themselves and state their business over the phone. The funnier part came into play when callers who were unfamiliar with the machine’s existence went “hello.. hello..?” after the beep.

Although the popularity of this little machinery has declined throughout the decades, original greetings have not. Right, people have gotten less formal and proper salutations have developed into something much more unceremonious.

So if you’ve got the day off and have time on your hands, why not look back to the years when the answering machine was king and start penning your own scripts? Taken from Good Quotes, we’ve got some 21 sample message to start you off. What’s the fun in technology when you can’t go a little crazy with it?

  1. “Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY. Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY! They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he’s still out there somewhere. So… Leave your name and number and tell us where YOU saw Elvis!”
  2. “Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.”
  3. “Hello, this is Ron’s toaster. Ron’s new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done… (Cachunk!)”
  4. “Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I’m stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.”
  5. “BEEP Hello, this is WVKE, you’re on the air.”
  6. “Hello. I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?”
  7. “Hello. This is Mark and Nathan’s phone. We’re not here right now, but the phone is.”
  8. “Hi, I am not here right now, but if you are a friend, leave a message, if you are a creditor you can kiss my (beep)”
  9. “Hi, this is John’s answering machine. He’s not here, but I’m open to suggestions.”
  10. “Hi. This is Kevin and Diana’s vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone ’cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it’s in the bag.”
  11. “Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll be right with you.”
  12. “Hello, this is Jason’s voice. Jason’s not here right now — hey, haven’t you ever lost YOUR voice? Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I’ll have a few choice words for him. If you do too, leave them after the beep.”
  13. (Narrator’s voice:) “There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.”
  14. (Noble, aristocratic voice:) “Yes, one million dollars COULD be yours, IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason WHY you want to join the ranks of The Rich and Famous! If this is Ross Perot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, or Princess Di, just leave your VISA number and expiration date, and we will definitely get back to you!”
  15. (Klingon voice:) “ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.”
  16. [Note the spelling in this one!] “After the tone, please leave a massage—my shoulders really could use it, and… What? You’re only supposed to leave a MESSAGE? Darn….”
  17. [Star Trek theme in the background]
    [Voice 1] “Room 17, the final frontier.”
    [Voice 2] “These are the messages of Chad’s answering machine. Its two-semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number.”
    [Voice 3] “To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.”
  18. [Very fast] “Hi, this is 555-5555. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.”
  19. [Lots of phone pick-up noise] “Hi, I’m a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy’s answering machine. If you give me your name and number, I’ll… Uh, I’ll post it on the fridge where he’ll see it. Uh… By the way, where did you say you live?”
  20. [In a bored voice] “Heaven, God speaking…”
  21. “This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.”

Want more? Hop over to Good Quotes!

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